Self-sabotage (self-defeating behaviour) is not a circumstance, it is a CHOICE and an ACTION that gets in the way of your goals and intent.
And like anything that gets in the way of reaching our fullest potential, there is a pay off in the short term that we are exchanging for the ultimate pay off in the long term.
There are many ways to sabotage yourself, and a common one that I often coach around is procrastination.
We often want to achieve our goals (new jobs, new body, new relationships etc) so badly, that we ruin it before we start the journey towards it.
According to Psychology Today, there are the six major reasons for self-sabotage:
You feel undeserving of success or happiness.
It feels better to control your own failure rather than face the possibility of it blindsiding you and taking you by surprise.
3. Perceived fraudulence
As the bar continues to rise (e.g. you’re promoted to a new position, you obtain higher levels of education etc) you feel you only have further to fall when you inevitably come crashing down.
4. For a Handy Scapegoat
If things aren’t resolved we can blame the action instead of ourselves. ‘Of course, he left me – I was never around’ or ‘Of course, I failed the class – I barely studied for any exams’. These reasons may be true, but they cover up the deeper reasons of why we failed to take action.
People like to be consistent, even when the consistency is negative i.e. feeling overlooked, mistreated, or exploited. This feeling of familiarity may be preferable to the unknown.
6. Sheer boredom
Once in a while, we self-sabotage simply to push buttons. Picking a fight and inciting drama can give a rush, but of course there are not random acts.
Of all the reasons we have for sabotaging our goals and intentions, deep down the reason is ultimately FEAR.
Fear of trying your best and failing.
Fear that our best just might not be good enough
Fear of actually stepping out of our comfort zone and achieving at a higher level.
Fear that we may succeed (yes, really!)
Work with me to discover and eliminate your self-sabotaging actions.
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